Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize