Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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