I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
