so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize