hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize