are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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