I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
