Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
