Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
