Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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