he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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