I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
