good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
