He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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