I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
