Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
