what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
