Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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