I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
