weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
