It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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