This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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