I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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