And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
