My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
