wat bout pragnant strippers??
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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