my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
