I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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