jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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