whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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