I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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