Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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