someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
