I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do herpes really smell.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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