why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize