well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i came on her dog
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
