I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
