i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
