She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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