So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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