I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm like, not good at living.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
