I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize