Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
