Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
