he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
