i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
