belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
