I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You've changed since you got that strap on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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