I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
