He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize