I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
