just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
