He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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