Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
