Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
