and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
