WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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