How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
