he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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