My balls are so social today.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
