yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize