i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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