i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
third nipple confirmed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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